I hate this. Haven't I already been through this once? Why am I going through it again? I know that I shouldn't even bother to contact him. I know that he can never give me the kinda love I want. The only thing he can give me is a heart break. Yet, now when I'm feeling crappish, I wanna msg him. I know he won't reply. Even if he does, that’s cos he wants to win me back. Get me back to be his back up again. And so why do I even entertain the thought?

It's like a nightmare repeating itself. Less than a year ago, I was also in this position. Sitting at my desk, crying and writing a blog entry cos I seriously can't get down to doing what I want to do. I should be studying now. But I really can't do it. I don't even think I can go to sleep today without crying myself tired. I feel sick of feeling like this.

I feel sick of feeling like I need someone to support me. I feel sick about dragging my feet home then losing my temper at my siblings or my parents. It ain't even their fault that I’m in a bad mood. I feel sick about sitting in front of my lappy crying for some reason I don’t even know.

I have no clue who I'm crying for. For him, the one who said he will be there for me but is the one making me cry. Or for him, the one who promises to call me but didn't and didn’t care to explain. Or am I just crying cos I want someone near me now but there is absolutely no one? I'm very tired. I thought I moved out of this stupid inferiority complex already. But look! Am I really over it?